An open letter to someone who demanded explanation

Dear you,

I’m a broken person, I accept. Every broken thing can’t be fixed, you should accept it too. My edges are sharp and you should better stay away.

I know you don’t get why I push people away from myself. At times, even I don’t. I think I’m scared of intimacy and attachment. It’s easy to move on without these two in the scene. I know it’s not always that one has to leave, one has to move on but I know I can’t stay for long. Either I leave or I make people leave. It’s because I’m toxic and I know it. You’d give me all that you have and I wouldn’t even appreciate, let alone reciprocate. I’d compel you to leave and the moment you’d turn away, I’d call you back. I’d want you to listen but I wouldn’t speak. I’d ask you to leave but I’d want you to stay. You’ll lose your mind, trust me. 

My mind is a complete chaos. There are times when I just want to escape from myself but I can’t. What I feel is something I can’t explain. All I know is that there’s a void inside me. All this time I thought I could fill it with the love people would give to me and perhaps, one day I’d become whole and reciprocate it all but as it turns out, love was never filling in that void, it was only getting lost in it, consumed and destroyed. Now that I’ve realised it, I’m trying to save people by pushing them away from me.

So if I push you away, go. Don’t turn back when I call out for you. I know leaving would hurt, but staying would hurt more. I’m asking you to run away from me because I can’t ask you to as I love you. 

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Friendship


​Sometimes I wonder how do I make so many friends whereas people think of me as a loner.

Then I realize I’ve found friendship on a rainy evening when it poured and I stood alone under a tree, getting drenched anyway just to find out there was someone who was as stupid as I was.

I’ve found friendship in unplanned rendezvous where one beer wasn’t enough to get us tipsy, but the company and the conversation got us higher than weed ever could.

 
I’ve found friendship in the quiet aisles at work. I’ve found friendship in crowded cafeterias, where people forget their entity in mindless chattering.

I’ve found friendship in the words of a writer while getting lost in his imagination.I’ve found friendship in the smile of a streetchild when I gave him a piece from my bun. 

I’ve found friendship in the tears of a gay who could never claim his love in front of the world.I’ve found friendship in the loneliest cottage of grief while playing hide and seek with tears.

I make friends. Loads of them. I talk, I smile, I hang out. And when I look back at my life someday, I know I’m going to be smiling like an idiot because I’ve met them. The dork, the writer, the stranger, the funny, the gay one, the moron, the work buddy, the stoned one..it goes on.

It’s them, all of them, who will give me a toothless smile fifty years down the line. And I wouldn’t exchange them for the rest of the world.

Story of dictatorship in a democratic country

On 29th July, 2018 after two students being killed due to reckless driving and blind competition between two busses, high school students of Bangladesh started to prtotest all over the country in demand of safer roads. According to a survey more than 4200 people die every year due to these road accidents in Bangladesh.

The main role behind these accidents is played by a syndicate owned by shipping minister of Bangladesh who is also the executive president of the Bangladesh Road Transport Workers’ Federation. They take bribes from transport workers for giving them route permit and due to that inexperienced bus drivers and unfit busses gets to be on the roads. Because of the poor quality of public transport system, people are becoming more interested in owning personal vehicles than using personal transportation. For the reason traffic jam is increasing at a dramatic rate and inspiring the drivers to drive speedily for earning money to feed their family. Besides this, another reason of this reckless driving is the nonexistent action for breaking traffic rules.

Considering all these, the students have protested all over the country by taking position in different busy roads and checking driver’s license and vehicle’s fitness certificate. Sadly, it was found that lots of cars didn’t have lisences and fitness certificate including cars of government ministers, parliament officials and high ranked police officers. The students peacefully continued their protest but they were attacked by the police and government’s political organization named ”Chatro league”.

The government announced to have accepted student’s demands. But the students didn’t believe it as the last time there was a protest for quota reform the government promised to taking initiatives but later on denied in front of the whole country. So the students continued to stay in their place and continued their peaceful protest. Police threw tear gas and rubber bullets at the unarmed students while chatro league attacked them with sticks and rods. A student’s eye was pulled out and more than 150 students have been injured. To prevent this news from spreading, they’ve broken journalist’s cameras and mobiles and sexually assaulted a female journalist of a local news paper and had beaten up a lot of journalists therefore.

Internet speed has been slowed down and 3g and 4g service had been made unavailable for the last 24 hours by the government to suppress this news and to prevent people from coming to live. But through different international press like BBC, Al-Jazeera, new york times, telegram and different other international media have reported this issue.

As for the last information, the person who reported the news to Al-Jazeera, Shahidul Alam, has been abducted a few hours earlier (Here’s the live report on the 8th day of the protest : Al-Jazeera coverage with Shahidul Alam )

 

For further reading:


https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2018/08/bangladesh-officials-restrict-internet-student-protests-180805071428323.html

http://aje.io/s9erp

https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/sheikh-hasina-turning-bangladesh-party-state-180404082024893.html

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/08/04/students-injured-clashes-bangladesh-teen-protests-turn-violent/?WT.mc_id=tmg_share_fb

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-45048012?SThisFB

 

 

This is a plea for help. The students of Bangladesh who are being mercilessly attacked are mostly high schoolers aged between 12-18. Please help the humanity.

Our Journey

As the end of the day approaches

We take our journey to the place

Where everything is possible 

We lay on the peaceful grassy hill

Away from worries and sorrows

Hand in hand we look at the sky

Waiting for the moment of eternity 

No humans can reach out for it

But our souls can, when the lights 

Come out of darkness and appears 

As white dots on a black canvas

There starts our voyage into unknown 

Lands of power and chaos where ecstasy

Lift our spirit high into the vast Kingdom

Where doubts dare not visit seldom

We look at the clumsy play

Of the twinkles in shades of grey

And we get lost in the wonderland 

As if garden of eden has come to land

We dare to take a leap of faith

To forget the world we live beneath

You grasp my hands so tight

As if we are the ones to ignite light 

To turn on the melodies of love

In a world people lives to love.

This was a collaboration with my incredible friend Novus Lectio. Please feel free to leave any kind of feedbacks. 

Happy blogging!

Living life 

Do you think of me too?  What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night remembering a half left conversation?
I wanted you in everything but now, you just exist in my memories. You’re just a fragment of my imagination but I drag you in every conversation that I make. Even though, we have fallen together and fallen apart, apart, apart a million times, I still think of you like someone that was truly mine.
You were a little too imperfect, a little too messy but when you hugged me you meant it, and you were clumsy and tragically flawed but too good at heart, and I guess that’s why I loved you. 

You said ‘I swear’ like it was your favourite word. Sometimes, I felt like you promised me that that you would never let me go but you left me one day and never returned, and that has made all the difference. 

I sometimes question myself that if this would be any different, would I be wiser or would I choose you all over and break my heart a million times again and still be happy in its entirety that it’s atleast by someone that I couldn’t ever regret? Well, to choose you and live with you, even though it hurts like a billion pricks shoved right at my heart,I would still do it all over again. For you, a thousand times over.
I sometimes think if all of this is wrong–missing someone who isn’t around anymore. But then I have realized that there’s no other way. I love what I love. And even if there was a better choice, even if there were a trillion stars lighting up the whole sky, I would always know which part of cosmos I am happy with. I would always choose love and pain over a thousand better things even though people kept telling me how I deserved better but no matter how we all talk about happy endings, we will always have a thing for unfinished conversations and the only things that made us feel; the only things that we were told to let go.
And that is how we live life—whether we want to or not.

Symphony of fairytale


​I look at you and it is as if I have loved only you a thousand times in a hundred different forms, again and again.Through this cycle of birth, down the ages without fail my soul has searched for you. My captivated soul has forever spun words into garlands of song in all the forms you worn them.

My aching heart longs to know will you happily accept my gift of love through this cycle of birth, down the ages without fail or will you leave me here dying craving for you?

The more I hear that long lost story of love and the pangs of that ancient love and the tale of the love which has been lost and found, a distant memory comes a vision across the dark night of time and at last I see your face in eternally bright like a constant guiding star in midst of life.

We have swam together or was I alone in this stream of love?From its source in the heart of times long gone by, a voice speaks inside that we have played hide and seek with delight.

With a million other lovers bathed in tears of happiness and pain, bashed in the grasp of togetherness –a timeless bond in ever changing form, they under lie in the flame of love.

Today they find their place in glorious abandon at your feet.Universal joy and sorrow, the devotion within the universal soul have all come to bear fruit in this one love of ours imbued with the memory of all who have loved before. Our love is the symphony of fairytale that has forever been sung.